This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
