the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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