I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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