erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My ass is underappreciated
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
