Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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