I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think your dad took our porno
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
