So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
