Nicole vs. Life
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
