remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
