I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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