call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
