I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
