I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How external is "for external use only"?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
