We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize