i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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