I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
