sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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