the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
