I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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