I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
