Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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