wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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