I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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