Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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