dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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