thus making me awesome and them whores
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
