The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
