Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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