OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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