in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
