I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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