Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my being single is dangerous.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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