This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
