Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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