we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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