I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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