So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry about my life...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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