Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
