how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
