no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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