I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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