my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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