go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
