I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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