Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
