I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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