I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
