I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
