Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize