I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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