Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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