woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
