I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
