So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
