I want to have your abortion
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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