I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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