I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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