I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
