i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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