Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
