His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
