I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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