i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
