I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He better not be in your backpack
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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