i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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