whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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