Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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