The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
