I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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