perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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