Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this beer tastes like vomit already
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
