R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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