Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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