sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
