T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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