do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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