I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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