and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
