I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
