i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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