I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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