Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
