somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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