then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
