I just saw a hot homeless man
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
