HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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