I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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