He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
