We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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