Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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