I think i sorta joined a cult last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
