a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize