We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
