do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
