I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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