If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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