The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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