you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
