Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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