worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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