You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
a search helicopter?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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