either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize